‘They think giving me up was temporary’: Adopted 18-year-old cuts contact with bio parents after years of dealing with their possessive behavior, they refuse to accept it

Author image for Bar Mor Hazut
Bar Mor Hazut • Senior Editor
Mar 5, 2025 6:00 AM EST

No one can ever know exactly how their lives would turn out to be. That is both the beauty and the curse of life. You can't expect everything, and you definitely cannot prepare yourself for everything life throws at you, for better or for worse.

That is why no one can know for sure what they would do if they were in someone else's shoes.

I'm sure no one ever imagined themselves in a situation in which they have to give their kid up for adoption. It is not a scenario one thinks they would end up in, so it's extremely difficult to expect it, or to know what you would do in this situation.

Some people hand over their child and go through the rest of their lives without reaching out or attempting to have a relationship. Others hope that one day that kid is going to track them down and rekindle their connection. And some parents, like the ones in the story down below, make an effort to remain in the child's lives even if they are not technically the child's parents. 

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  • While I try not to judge, because I truly do not know what I would do if I were in their shoes, it seems like these biological parents' attempt to have a meaningful relationship with the kid they gave up for adoption, is not doing so well.

    Their inability to let him go drove him further and further away, until at 18 years old he finally decided to cut contact altogether.

    Keep scrolling to read the full tale.

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    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • "AITA for going no contact with my birth family as soon as I turned 18 even though my adoption was always open?"

    I (18M) was adopted at birth by my parents. They went through an adoption agency for me like they did for my sister (20F). I have a brother (23M) who was also
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  • adopted but through foster care instead. My brother didn't have any contact with his birth family. My sister had regular contact with hers and we're all pretty
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  • close to them and they're great people. She'd see both her bio sides a few times a year and had calls with them regularly.
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  • With my birth family it was a yearly visit with monthly phone calls. When I got a little older there were invites sent for me to join for certain family functions but I
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  • always turned those down. And the thing about it all is I have never felt connected to my birth family and I don't consider them my family either. Like my birth family.
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  • yes... but to me? I don't know how to describe it exactly. I know I come from them. That I wouldn't exist without them and that I'll always be related to them through DNA. On the other
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  • hand my adoptive family are the family I love and think of as actual family. And since I'm being honest I should say that I had wanted to cut ties with my birth family for
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  • years. But I didn't want to make things difficult when I was under 18. I know there are people who judge me for that. I'm in some adoption forums and I get
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  • judged pretty harshly for rejecting my bios and especially for not wanting a good relationship with my bio siblings. They're all full too which is a little different
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  • from most but angers some other adoptees I've connected with who feel like I should see them as siblings just as much as my siblings from my adopted family.
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  • But anyway, some stuff about my birth family has always annoyed me. I compare them a lot to my sister's family because she's still in contact with hers and close to them and so are the
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  • rest of us. She's got a good relationship going there and always will most likely. But her birth parents never acted like they could overrule our parents. They never got weird with our
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  • parents. Her half siblings were cool about her having me and our brother. She never got sh for calling us her brothers and saying her half siblings were family instead of saying siblings.
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  • Her extended birth families never bied about her missing stuff they threw for their family or how they weren't invited to every single thing. When my sister. graduated high school and
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  • she wanted to do an intimate family celebration with just our family and a bigger celebration with everyone also there was no drama. So I consider hers the best kind of open adoption.
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  • I don't feel like that about mine. My birth parents stayed together unlike my sister's. They weren't as open about stuff as hers were either. My sister knows her birth parents were
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  • thinking of her and how they wouldn't be able to get their sh together and her extended families weren't in the best place for it. They even wrote a letter for her and another for our parents
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  • expressing all they wanted for her was the best. They even bought her a stuffy to always have with her. It. wasn't a huge thing but it was something they wanted. her to have so she'd feel like she wasn't just given away.
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  • With mine? They only ever said I came at a bad time because they were in college. But with how they act I think they saw giving me up as temporary. I think their families wanted me in
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  • their lives too but not to be a part of keeping me in the family. What I remember most is how during visits my birth parents would seem annoyed if my parents were
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  • correcting me for something or being affectionate with me. They'd try to parent me which was weird because I talked to them more but I only saw them once a year. My birth
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  • parents loved to say they were my parents. They'd call me their son and got upset when I was called my parents son. They'd also be upset that I didn't enjoy alone time with them and their kids like they wanted
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  • and I always wanted my parents and siblings back. There were some talks with my parents and birth parents that I was never involved in but my birth parents would be so angry after them.
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  • Their kids were always so jealous of my relationship. with my siblings. I don't even remember the number of times I was told by their kids that I was their sibling and not my actual siblings sibling. Or that I was told I
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  • shouldn't talk to my siblings in front of them because it made them sad. One year my birth family visited us and it got super weird because my birth parents kids were super annoyed at some of the photos of me
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  • and my siblings and wanted to recreate them with me and wanted those to replace the ones at home. My extended birth families complained about not being invited to my birth parties or not being allowed to host
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  • their own for me where I'd fly out. But they wanted me alone. Then it was weddings. Then it was how mad they were that I took part in a tradition on my mom's side to add a recipe
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  • to a family cook book and make it with my grandma. There was a lot of cyber stalking going on and grumbling. A lot of the calls I had with them were the same where they'd bring up stuff I'd done with my family
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  • and kind of whine about it. I got asked a lot why I didn't call them mom and dad and grandma and grandpa and stuff. But anyway, I started waiting for the day I could
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  • end contact with them and it came in November. I don't answer their calls anymore and I expressed that I won't be visiting this summer either and don't want them to visit. There's been a lot of
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  • backlash. My parents wanted me to let them deal with it but I don't want it misunderstood. This isn't my parents decision. It's mine. And I'll be ped, not them, if my birth family tries to show up or anything.
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  • The biggest thing I'm getting via DMs on socials that I had to make private and text which made me change my number after blocking didn't work, is that I have a whole a family
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  • who wants me and to think of the kids involved. My bio siblings especially because they miss me and they're so young and stuff. AITA?
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  • cynrtst You owe them nothing. I haven't talked to my bio sister in 15 years. You make family with people who love you, not use you. Don't feel bad. Look forward and love those who are your "real" family.
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  • No-Community- NTA your family is your adopted family, if you feel like you don't want contact with your birth family it's all up to you, don't let them guilt trip you, enjoy your life, you do t owe them anything. at all
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  • Ok Stable7501 It sounds like they want to have their cake and eat it too. They wanted someone else to raise you, but they want to take credit, have you to themselves, have you call them mom and dad, and act like they parented you.
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  • But, at this age, you don't need to maintain a relationship with anyone, bio or adopted, if you don't want to. Your bio parents are trying to dictate and control your relationship. It's very narcissistic. And if you need to go no contact, you should. NTA
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